Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
