pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So much Jack, so little girl.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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