.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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