You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
