I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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