I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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