I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
