Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
