His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
