My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
