no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
