Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
