He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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