He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
