By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
