why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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