dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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