dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
