So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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