Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
