i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
