Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
