I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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