3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
