I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
