Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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