Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
