Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
