operation harelip BJ is a go
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
