return my video game
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
