It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
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I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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