Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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