There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
