Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
being pregnant is like rehab
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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