The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
