What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
