I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
someone owes me an orgasm
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
