i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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