just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
what day is it and did you see me today?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
