God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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