Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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