One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We need to get me chipped asap
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
