I will die if light touches me.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My cat gives me a boner
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
