It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
