i already hear my dad disowning me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
