Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
