my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
