it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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