Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
