her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
