so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
