i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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