I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
