my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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