No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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