it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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