Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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