i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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