I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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