If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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