if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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