You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
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