what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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