I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
