hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
