when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
