Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
