THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
