I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize