Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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