I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
