How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You can't special order awesome
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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