Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
