I feel like abortions should bother me more
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
