Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
