So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
