What a fucking waste of an outfit
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
