i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
